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Saturday, July 23, 2011

The contrast between black and white...

"Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white" - The Counting Crows in Round Here.

Black and white... The best way to describe the past two months! White, then black and white, and then a big load of black is what happened.
Loving every second of your life can be a very tricky situation. Because you start wondering why and how it's happening, and then you ask yourself if it's as true and real as you think it is. Until something happens and you realize that it's been sort of helped along by a big bunch of bullshit.
A few discoveries that are incidental at first, then become targets of your unwinding obsession. Lies you've been suspicious of at first, and that were confirmed to you one after the other, sequentially, relentlessly, and repeatedly, until you just burst in frustration and helplessness. And you realize: So that's what it feels like!

Why is it that happiness always needs to be second-guessed, questioned, and put on on trial before it can be credible enough to be enjoyed, and shared?
Why is happiness so multi-disciplinary? so dependent on so many things and? and why does it have so many facets? I think that it's like that so people can hold it like some sort of a Rubik's cube and orient it in such a way to see only the positive parts, only those facets where all the colors match, and lie to themselves about still having to sort out the others. 
Well I have choked on your lies for long enough. 

I can take no more...