A Physician's Closest Enemy...

... is actually the patient's lifeline. That brilliant little invention called a Beeper or Pager that's designed and built to keep you alert and reachable,  and without which the phrase "on call" would have no practical meaning whatsoever.
That's all very nice. I mean it's really hard to conceive of a hospital functioning without pagers. Every single attempt at communication would invariably take longer, cost more, and be more burdensome on staff and patients alike. So here's how it should work:

1- Patient need something
2- Patient calls nurse
3- If nurse can handle it, stop here.
4- If nurse can't handle it:
5- Nurse picks up a phone and pages Dr. Fixit
6- Dr. Fixit shows up happily within minutes and sorts things out.

Great stuf right? 6 easy steps towards better patient care! Right? Well, only when it works!

BUT... (hehe) what happens when you mix needy and naggy patients, an incompetent nurse, and a doctor worn out by 14 hours of floor work during the day, and 3 hours of the same after sleeping hours? well things turn out a bit different... like so:

1- Patient needs attention = Patient nags about the lighting in the room
2- Patient calls nurse
3- Incompetent nurse prances in and freezes at such an impossible task as putting the patient to ease
4- Incompetent nurse freaks out, picks up a phone and pages Dr. Wornout at 3 AM
5- Dr. Wornout is bummed that the stupid pager's ringing again but humbly picks up a phone and responds
6- Incompetent nurse tells the story
7- Dr. Wornout cannot believe he's been woken up for such a lame story
8- Dr. Wornout screams and cusses out incompetent nurse
9- Dr. Wornout still might have to come over and talk to the patient or prescribe sedatives across the floor to get some peaceful sleep.

Ah, yes! This is perhaps a more accurate description of many of the calls we get on a night's duty. Thinking about it is funny. It really is! I can remember being paged for the dumbest stuff! And I swear all of these are true stories!

BEEP! 2:00 AM, 10 South: Doctor, doctor! The patient in 1026 refused to wear the face mask that was keeping him alive. He says it's too bulky, and his oxygen saturation went down to 70. But don't worry I called Inhalation Therapy and they convinced him. - "Wow good job, stupid male nurse! Thanks! "

BEEP! 5:00 AM 8 North: Doctor, Doctor! The patient in 823 Just called me and said she just had her period. - "OMG are you really calling me at 5 in the morning for this?! What do you want me to do, bring pads!?! Is this an emergency? Is she hemorrhaging?! - No - Well?!!? - ok thank you Doctor.

BEEP! 12:00 Midnight 9 North: Doctor the patient in 922 is ready for his blood transfusion, if you could bring up that unit? - Ok on my way - I get to the floor - Here's the unit, start the transfusion - Oh but Doctor the patient was taken down for his CT scan. - Is he coming back soon? - We don't know so we can't keep the blood unit here, in case it takes longer than expected; you have to take it back to the blood bank and check it out again when the patient comes back. - !@#%#$^$%&*^%$#!@#$#$@%@# You stupid MORON!!!!!!

BEEP! 1:00 AM 10 South: Doctor? I was wondering why the patient in 1036 is taking Methotrexate? - Ok I'll go along with this, He has scleroderma, to satisfy your hunger for knowledge at this hour of night... - Ooh ok, and Why are you giving him Tazocin? - For his pneumonia honey what's up? - Oooh true but why not Tavanic? and since he has pneumonia, why didn't you order him an incentive spirometer? - Hmm are you really calling me to suggest medical management is incorrect? Can I !@#$ing go back to sleep now?! Promise we'll talk in the morning!

No disrespect to nurses, but please help us out with our crazy duties! There are things you can handle, and things you can't, know which is which!
It's funny remembering all this stuff and I'd like to take a moment to say that not all nurses are like this! I've worked with a few nurses who had excellent judgment, knew how to talk to patients and resolve issues like lighting and air conditioning, but also comforted their patients for a peaceful night's sleep without the need for Lexotanyl! Some admittedly knew more about medicine than I did and they have my full respect and admiration. You make our lives easier.

Cheers to a completed Internal Medicine rotation! 

Another Catch-Up Post

Well it has been a while since my last post. I've been busy lately, and last night I happened to check out my blog and realized that I'd 'left' on a very sad note. Sorry about that!
So what have we missed? One relationship anniversary, one uneventful new year's eve, another goodbye to another good friend leaving the country, another monumental governmental failure (but we're used to those), another stupid Internal Medicine rotation, a few breathtaking days on the Faraya slopes. All these, among other things I've meant to blog about that would have kept my readers busy/amused/annoyed. No such luck; instead, here I am, once more, overwhelmed by my flying ideas, frustrated by my tantalizing muses, pressed for time (but we're used to this one, too), and struggling with my vocabulary trying to make something out of this heap of interweaved trains of thought.

Let's start here. I am happy. Happy, of course, being a word surrounded by a cloud of relativity, and perhaps a few drops of evanescence, but for the first time in a few long med school years, I can really say that I am happy. Happy with the way things are going in my life. Happy that I'm just starting to peer through that window onto the next steps in my life and career. Happy with my lovely L. Just overall, in a good moment I guess, the likes of which I haven't seen in a very long time.

Trying to pinpoint it is hard. but I think what has drastically changed my outlook on things is the fact that I'm done guessing what I want to do with my life. Over the course of one day, my career path has become clear to me; I am to become a surgeon, people, go crazy. There has never been a specialty better suited for me, I've always known it, and since I've applied to a surgery residency at AUH for next year, things have been different. It takes much more to worry me, I am more relaxed in my work, I'm optimistic and feel so hungry to take on this next chapter that I don't even feel like a med student anymore. Med IV is almost over. A few months ago I was excited at the prospect of beginning my last year of med school. Time flew, that's all I can say. and if you've read that post, you'll understand why I'd be keeping with the continuum if I say, Bring it, Surgery! Bring it, Residency, Bring it, long on call hours! I want to work my ass off in something that fascinates me, instead of sitting around the morning rounds in internal medicine for 5 hours wondering what the hell I'm doing there, trying hard as I can to stop my eyes rolling into the back of my head from boredom!

Did I mention I hated internal medicine? Well I'm sure it's obvious now! (Some other post, for sure)

So there you have it. The main update and now we can look forward to my admission (wish me luck) and to my Surgery internship next year which I'm sure will bring you many long posts.

Will keep you posted!