Is it just me, or...

Well it is obvious that everything in this country is getting more and more expensive by the day. Restaurants, Pubs, Night Clubs, Beach Resorts, nothing is spared from exorbitant prices rising at exorbitant rates. But what's been pissing me off lately is that as this happens there seems to be a concomitant slow but steady decline in the quality of all services provided! Here are a few things off the top of my head:

- The beiteddine festival: Have you ever bought a soggy, hyper-salted, minuscule Saj man'oushe for 7,000 LBP [~5 USD]? if you haven't, please take a long drive to Beiteddine and do so at the entrance, where the monopoly of saj has blown the prices right off the chart. And whether you like it or not, and no matter what you order, you are getting the "Amira" specialty man'oushe because the lady who makes them will MAKE you. just go there and you'll know what I'm talking about.

- Beach resorts: Jiyyeh and Jbeil alike, the amount that a nice enjoyable day at the beach will set you back is sizable! 20-30 $ entrance fee, 15-20 $ for a quick bite at their restaurants managed by some of the most incompetent people on the planet, you're talking at least 40 $ for some sun! More if you feel dehydrated and feel like getting a cold drink. Sun beds line the pools in almost all resorts and renting one will set you back another 20-30 $. Oh and did I mention the "bouncers" at the entrances? apparently they're concerned about the male:female ratio and won't let single or groups of men in... PLEASE! It's a !@#$ing beach resort!

- Restaurants: How much profit do you want to make? selling a 500 LBP bottle of w ater for 5,000 LBP is just ridiculous. Selling teabags for 7,000 LBP is even worse! We had dinner last night at Beib el Mina at Byblos. Some of the nice usual Lebanese mezze like Tabboule, Hummus and Baba Ghannouj, followed by fries and 3 fish dishes, with a few cokes and glasses of wine. Good food, good times, crappy service as usual. The bill? 850,000 LBP [566 USD] for 16 people. I didn't even feel like I'd just had a meal. Ridiculous. And it's like that everywhere.

- Pubs, Night Clubs: Always with the 30 - 40 $ minimum charge. Always with the dinner requirement to get a decent table. And most of them do not inform you until you receive the bill and can't believe your eyes because you've just had a 35 $ glass of Red Label, a 750-cL bottle of which costs no more than 13 bucks at your local minimarket! Did I say a glass of Red? I meant a glass of ice, with a scent of whiskey for you to fantasize over. That's not a night out, that's a JACK!

It seems to me that going out in Lebanon, especially this summer, has become more of a hassle than a pleasure. Factoring in the indescribable Lebanese traffic and all of its associated road rage, or the heat if you're unlucky enough not to have A/C in your car, followed by the ridiculous return you get on your hard earned money, I'm becoming more and more of a fan of house parties and dinners, and I cannot stand the sound of the word Jemmayze when my friends call me up to go for a drink...
Going to the beach is no better.

The Farce that is Lebanese Telecom...

"No one has noticed, but the Lebanese government is writing yet another chapter in the endless mockery of our rights as private citizens and social entrepreneurial agents of progress and change. The state is extending censorship over the remainder of our liberties into the last frontier of freedom – the internet and its supposed neutrality." - Imad Atalla, for the Daily Star on June 08, 2010.

Apparently Ogero is enforcing the Telecoms Law that bans VoIP (Voice over IP), the technology that enables internet users to make voice calls for reduced rates, and sometimes for free (IP to IP).

Sidewalk in Hamra

Hamra, Lebanon - June 2010

This is a response to "Sidewalk in Achrafieh" Posted on Blog Baladi a few days a go. I said I'd have a pic of sidewalks in Hamra for comparison... well here's what I was talking about...

Try negotiating the parked vehicles and avoiding the garbage juices on this lovely piece of Hamra property... Square footage pricing? Let's not mention that...

Stay tuned for sidewalks with construction material and bulldozers... Coming soon!

More intriguing cab rides...

It's not everyday that I get to go around Beirut in a cab. In fact I've gotten so accustomed to driving my own car that all of the chaos surrounding our notorious public transport system had evaded my memory. When you have your own car, you just forget about the adventure that it is to get a cab driver to drive you from point A to point B, and all that's in between.

... Until your car stays at the dealership workshop for 4 days for repairs and maintenance (And yes I see the trend, thank you).

I got a call from the guys at the garage asking me to come and pick up my pride and joy, ready after a long absence.

The trip from AUH to the Sin el Fil workshop was uneventful. But it was the return trip that was all worth while! I picked up my car and parked it in the Galaxy mall parking lot (Coming back to Hamra or Bliss and searching for a safe parking spot is a no-no after 10:00 AM), and took a serial 2 cabs back to AUH. My car parked in a safe underground parking away from direct sunlight, I was happy, smiling, and satisfied with the workshop's job well done.

(1) - Galaxy - Tayyouneh

I hailed the first cab and in the ceremonial "la wein?" (where to?) conversation, I said "Tayyouneh". The cab driver laughed and appeared annoyed, and whined "ma ele jlede ya zalame halla2 kenet bel tayyouneh!" ("Oh come on man! I can't be bothered, I was just there for cryin out loud!") Surprised, I smiled and said "OK... it's your call, I'm not making you do it!", thinking to myself: "is this for real??". The guy finally told me he'd drive me to the end of the street for free and go home for lunch. On the way he found 2 more clients going to tayyouneh, so he looked at me and happily congratulated me saying "wejjak kheir ya habibe!" (something like good karma). I ended up reaching my waypoint and the driver ended up making an extra LBP 6,000 before lunch.

(2) - Tayyouneh - Hamra

The second cab driver was less of a pleasant ride. As I leaned toward the pasenger side window and said "Hamra", I noticed that he was staring at my lips. It turned out he was deaf, and had impaired speech, probably as a result of his deafness. I couldn't help but overhear the conversation between him and the passenger who sat in the front next to him. The story had it that he had lost his hearing in an explosion sometime during his childhood. He had burn scars on what was the better part of his body to show for it. And then, in an all-but-subtle segue, he went on to talk about how he had just lost his 20 year-old brother to a Heroin overdose. And before I could wrap my head around that, he looks at me in his rear view mirror and mumbled words I couldn't make out, but he made it clear by acting out a drug user's needle prick. The passenger then told me the whole story he had heard. The driver was trying to figure out how to get his two other brothers off the drugs before it was too late. What a shame.

After this humbling reminder of my pre- driver's license days, I got to AUH on time, with lots to think about.

Good karma? Bad karma? I couldn't tell anymore.

What's Lebanon's Stance on Slavery and Racism Again??

So here's another lie us self-righteous Lebanese tend to force feed ourselves. We don't condone slavery. We turn our backs to racism. Right?

Think again...

To your right is a nice classified ad for the exchange of a 1991 Dodge for a Sri Lankan domestic worker.

Please read No Maids in the Pool.

[Edit:This is to clarify that the classified is NOT in a Lebanese paper].

What more do we need? how much more disgrace, how much clearer does this picture need to be for the Lebanese to just shut the hell up and realize that we are probably the most self-absorbed, superficial, and prejudiced (oh yeah the list goes on...) people on the face of this planet?

I can only try and say how dumbfounded I was when I saw that classified. And in light of the no maids in pool article I can tell that it's only a matter of time before we find a few like these in our Lebanese media.

I really thought I'd have so much to say about this matter, so much to talk about and criticize, so many questions and so much eloquent rhetoric. Instead, I have only speechlessness, disbelief, and shame. I am ashamed of my country, ashamed of being Lebanese. This shame is growing by the day, exacerbated by the fake, smug, and holy stance that the Lebanese take on these and other matters.

Lebanese people are a friendly, welcoming, and humanitarian people. Or so would the media say. Of Course they do not tell you the whole story. I will stop here, too disgusted to continue writing.

A Late Rite of Passage

Walking on Bliss street had never been such a complicated task, what with all the 10-year old –or less- mendicants and lottery ticket ‘agents’ or shoe cleaners. For the longest time I felt annoyance at the heavy task of brushing off these pesky and persistent solicitors that seemed to be after nothing other than your money. The annoyance not circling around the money itself, but about the ethics and principles of discouraging the presence of alms-askers and the associated child abuse and whatnot; let me not digress and wander off into these treacherous discussions for now.

So one of my tricky walks along the famous street, while I was looking for that after lunch cup of coffee, got me to Epi D’Or. -Don’t let the name “Epi D’Or” fool you. Fancy name for a place that’s affectionately and more commonly called “Abou Naji”, the little store across the street from the AUB main gate-. Waiting for my coffee, I get elbow-tugged outside by an as-yet unknown figure who turned out to be one of Bliss’ seasoned shoe cleaners

. “Here we go”, I thought to myself. But then, all thought processes angled at getting rid of that annoyance were instantly stopped by the cleaner’s marketing skills… “Eza ma 3ajabak ma tedfa3 wala lira!” Translation “If you don’t like my work don’t pay a dime!”

Said in a convincing and confident tone, these words made me think ok what the hell? My shoes were dirty, hadn’t been cleaned in a while and a good buff would do no harm! So I told the guy to do a good job and he got to work. I have not seen hands move so fast. The sound of swishing as his run down piece of tissue carved through the air and onto the now polished leather told the tale of a shoe cleaning veteran with years of training!

All done, shoes shining, and face smiling as M. took a few snapshots of the event, I was thinking about the going rate on a premium job like this! So I thought 3,000 LBP. M. frowned in disagreement and so I gave him 5,000 LBP.

In retrospect, seeing how his face lit up as he tugged on that bill and all the good wishes for prosperity and long life I got at that time, I know I overpaid! But I would do it again and pay the same price!

But hey. An honest living, a job well done, make me rethink my stance on the good shoe cleaners out there! This is one rite of shoe-cleaning passage not to be soon forgotten!

A Sunday From Hell

I had been dreading this day for a while. Sunday, July 19, 2009. Bidding farewell to loved ones, saying goodbye to friends. All on one day seemed like torture. And it turned out to be even worse.

This just in: friend and fellow blogger wondering: "Is it true that Lebanon is now nothing more than a pit stop?" This is a question to ask indeed...

I live here, I grew up here, and even for me this is just a pitstop.

For everyone who woke up one day and decided they wanted more from their lives than this place had to offer; For everyone who is contemplating the thought of leaving; nothing more than a pitstop. That Sunday, I said my goodbyes to my aunt in the evening, and to one of my best friends from childhood later that night... Very eloquently, this sucks.

Flashback to Sunday, late afternoon:

It was a long drive to Ballouneh, where my auntie N. lives. LiveD. Mixed emotions flying in the air. There was a distinct feeling, or taste, to that trip. Everytime we went on that noisy drive singing silly music and hopeless songs, there were great times. Barbecues, nargileh, and that sweet feeling of a family reunion every few weeks. Not this time though. This time round, this warm familiar feeling was overshadowed by foreseen grief and heartache. N. is going to Canada. She's taking her incommensurately adorable kids -this from a hardened official kid hater, remember?- and she's going to start a life somewhere else.

Somewhere where she won't have to worry about making ends meet every month, somewhere where people are actually people, somewhere... Don't worry, I'm not gonna start another tirade about our dearly cherished country, if one can call it that. No, I've done that before (read). What matters now is where she's going, and who she's leaving behind. This is the second time that this country has done this to my family. And what's worse is that it's about to do it again. I'm going to have to leave, again, for my residency. And that Sunday, this was always on my mind and I felt like I was suffocating.

My grandmother worse for wear, my grandfather's voice choked out of him as he desperately tried to hold back his tears, my uncles and other aunts in no better shape, and my tears clouding my last sights of N. and her kids, we left Ballouneh for a silent trip back to an insipid Beirut.

Goodbye N. We love you so much. We miss you already.

Elections, Lebanon, What do we really need?

For many months now, but mostly in the few days leading up to today, election day, we've all heard and seen countless ads, slogans, rebuttals, petty claims of corruption and some of the best and worst publicity we'd ever seen. I've hung out with people from all parties, listened to them discuss the elections, and what the other clan was up to. What they meant with this or that phrase, and what the hell they were thinking. Then I realized the disparity between what was at stake, and the level at which the discussions, verbal clashes, and even thinking were taking place. In fact, there was a distinct lack of mention of Lebanon in all these discussions. What the future held, what the REAL plans were for this country of ours that we're losing piece by piece. Instead, everyone was ecstatic when their clan rebutted the other clan's allegedly failed or misplaced ad. Everyone couldn't stop laughing and smiling when they heard their chief's distinct horn pattern. Keep in mind, that in arguing about the ads, and from a truly objective standpoint, both were right and wrong at the same time, but let's not go into that right now, because I think the arguments given by these people are too stupid to be a part of this post.

This brings me to the point I'd like to make. A point I and very few around me have been trying to get through. Also, I've been meaning to write about this here, but I have to admit that my lack of a respectable knowledge of politics has prevented it. I've often wanted to discuss and critique many key points that would come up on the news here and there, things my friends and I have talked about, but I never got around to it, because I never thought I'd be able to do it with enough substance. All I know is that the country's still being led by the same political leaders, thieves, murderers, and warlords that made it the shit hole that it is today. All I know is that their devoted followers are so goddamn blind that all they care about is how catchy their new slogan is or how humiliating that new advert is to the other clan. All I know is that this country is losing its youth, losing all its intellectual resources, and all I know, me, and my limited and stupid brain, is that there must be a reason behind this. There must be something that's being done that's preventing improvement, and leaving our problems like an open wound on an arm, gathering all kinds of infections, dirt, and parasites, to the point where amputation becomes the only viable option. All I know, is that very few people, if any, -and I am most definitely NOT a part of this few- can rightfully claim to have even the slightest idea on how to heal our country.

I came across something the other day that would do all this much better than I'd ever be able to. B. (My Marmite Guy) pointed out a video to me, a compilation of opinions and rants, denunciations and regrets expressed by a few prominent Lebanese personalities.

I will only post the trailer here, but please visit the link below and watch the whole thing. This is NOT some loser video with nothing but complaints and rants. It is a documentary and it starts and ends on a positive note, emphasizing hope rather than despair. I watched all three parts and each shook me to my core.

For the love of Lebanon, for the love of our future, please wake up.

Watch entire movie.

TRAILER

The Most Expensive Shawerma in Lebanon...

S. Told me about this place, and for hours before we even got close to that little corner of heaven, I was anticipating what it would be like. I know this is not new and that I haven't made a world-altering discovery, but it is the first time I've heard of it. 

It's called Shawerma 3al Fahem (Chargrilled Shawerma), and the name says it all... To the shawerma lovers who have not tried it yet, pack up and go right now I tell you!

It is right next to falafel Sahyoun on the street leading from Sodeco Square to Downtown beirut. 

So how was that sandwich? It was a costly one to say the least. This little taste of shawerma heaven, is gonna run you anywhere between 4,000 LBP and 80,000 LBP, plus a confiscated driver's licence... How?? 

Choose from the following items:

Item 1 -  The 50,000 LBP traffic ticket, if you're unfortunate enough (like I was) to be U-turning from the parallel street going the opposite way, and you somehow choose to make that illegal U-turn to save a few meters on your odometer, and a few precious moments of anticipation before you get there. Make sure you call that over-zealous cop, with his newly found preoccupation with our dear traffic system's proper functioning, greater good kind of stuff, and have him amicably fill out the paperwork and confiscate your driver's licence. He's sure to be there, in some wickedly strategic position, hunting for wrong-way outlaws!

Item 2 -  The 20,000 (is it more?) illegal LEGAL PARKING ticket: Now that you're done fighting with the officer that gave you the 50,000 LBP ticket, confiscated your licence, you have to find a parking spot. All you have to do is park right in front of the shawerma place. Now you have two options. Option A: to obtain item 2, all you have to do is park your car, shut your windows, lock your doors, and enjoy a happy shawerma meal. You will come back to find the item delivered. Option B: to avoid item two park your car, leave your windows open, and your blinkers on otherwise you will be smitten by the long arm of the law.

So ... for me it was item 1, plus 2 sandwiches (4,000 each, too small for just one to be enough!). Do the math. That's one expensive Shawerma place if you ask me! 

Worth every penny, but if you're not willing to pay this much, take the longer road, or don't drive there, and take care while parking! Cheers.

Get off the streets....!!! Another plea that no one will hear...

To all you ladies out there that cannot seem to find any time in your busy schedule to apply makeup that is more convenient and safe than while you're driving. To the beauties with freshly issued driver's licenses and brand new cars, and the less blessed and less fortunate Venuses driving your asses off into beautiful sunsets (or walls). Please, I implore you, TAKE A F!@#$%G CAB for the love of God!!!

I know that:
- 100% of feminists among you (women or men, weirdly enough; hey, you never know!)...
- 80-90% of women among you (see the remaining 10-20% below)...
- 1% of all men among you...
... will think I'm a sexist bastard who does not know what he's talking about. Well you would wouldn't you? Yeah...

But I also know that:
-10-20% of women among you...
-99% of all men among you...
... will think this is something everyone knows and that proper action needs to be taken to ensure everyone's (and that includes you ladies) safety.

Why? I don't know why. How come? I don't know how come. I don't know how, why, when, and with what twisted, insane, moronic agenda, nature simply decided that women would not get the driving genes. What matters is that She did. We've seen it all! The ones screaming into cell phones, those (classic) looking into the purposefully-readjusted rear-view mirror, thinking "Oh why is it that when I look into that thing, I see cars behind mine and not my beautiful face??" *tires screeching in background* Well they've dealt with that one!

Check out this video. Watch every second. It's just too funny, and says everything better than I can :D

"Hypocrisy is your religion, falsehood is your life..." - Gibran Khalil Gibran

A contribution from a friend of mine. It goes something like this...

"an excerpt from Gibran Khalil Gibran's eternal and ever-applicable words:

...What is it that you seek, My
Countrymen? What ask you from
Life, who does not any longer
Count you among her children?

Your souls are freezing in the
Clutches of the priests and
Sorcerers, and your bodies
Tremble between the paws of the
Despots and the shedders of Blood

Hypocrisy is your religion, and
Falsehood is your life, and
Nothingness is your ending; why,
Then, are you living? Is not
Death the sole comfort of the
Miserables?

Life is a resolution that
Accompanies youth, and a diligence
That follows maturity, and a
Wisdom that pursues senility; but
You, My Countrymen, were born old
And weak. And your skins withered
And your heads shrank, whereupon
You became as children, running
Into the mire and casting stones
Upon each other.

Knowledge is a light, enriching
The warmth of life, and all may
Partake who seek it out; but you,
My Countrymen, seek out darkness
And flee the light, awaiting the
Coming of water from the rock,
And your nation's misery is your
Crime...I do not forgive you
Your sins, for you know what you
Are doing...

Gibran's words are revived with the coming of the 2009 elections, the results of which will bring back the same tyrants, maybe in different proportions.. what does it matter anyway? They are all the same. And Lebanon will remain a shining example of a country with divine gifts and a potential unequaled by any other country, struggling to be even called a country..
we have no one to blame except OURSELVES. "

Thanks N.

One thing I remembered...

Picture Taken: Friday, November 21, 2008, 12:38 PM

My last post reminded me of something I wanted to write about a few months back; sort of in the same 'mood'. To your left is a rather large caliber hollow-point bullet that I found embedded in a wall on my balcony at home. I wanted to dislodge it and keep it as a souvenir, but the prospect of it exploding and blowing my fingers away, however unlikely, has persistently kept me from fiddling with it. A nice close-up will have to do...
Who knows where this came from, how far it traveled, who fired it, and what/who it might have hit before it came to rest right outside my room? I don't even know how long it had been there before I noticed it... it could well have been there for decades for all I know, and so all I know is that I'll think twice before I sit outside for a nice peaceful cup of coffee and enjoy my view of the airport and Mediterranean in the distance from now on. Not just in wartime, but also in peace time; maybe someone got married a few kilometers away, maybe someone important spoke on TV, maybe... I don't know!! I mean these seem to be excellent excuses to whip out the old machine gun and shoot up the neighborhood! In good spirit too!

Owell... It's our beloved country again. Smile!

P.S. I asked around, and I still don't know what the 'gunman' was so happy/pissed off about yesterday night... I'll keep you posted.

We are Eastern Switzerland, Apparently...

I wonder what kind of place we live in, what kind of a society we are...

...when I struggle (in disbelief) to get off a packed elevator because someone waiting to get on just seems to absolutely HAVE to get into the packed elevator the absolute Goddamn second the doors open, even if it means pushing through the stampede of the people who are also trying to get off, and making it inside like they're saying "fuck you, I'm getting on NOW" one grunted syllable at a time.

...when a close lady friend calls me on my cell from her car, sobbing and scared shitless, because some guy she sassed and flipped off in traffic stepped out of his car and was banging on her door -as we spoke- to beat the living crap out of her, rabidly yelling all kinds of profanities at her. Thank God it was locked.

...when I get home after a 2-hour, just 20-km drive in insane traffic, after dodging about 250 four-wheeled projectiles aimed at me, only to find that the the security and comfort of my home is being raped by a guy in my street shooting with an AK-47 in the air for whatever reason.

Really, all in one day seems like too much to handle, and I just wanna leave...

When our reputation precedes us as a country with such a rich heritage, such a rich melting pot of cultures and influences, all I can think of is the following: What about our political crap, our even stinkier economic crap, and all the crap in general that has fallen on this country?? It all stinks like hell...I really wonder... How the hell can we live in a place like this and have the nerve to call it the Eastern Switzerland or the Eastern Paris?? Have we even seen Switzerland or Paris??
Why so Proud?
Proud to be Lebanese? Proud of our nonexistent and yet so vehemently flaunted, overstated hospitality, friendliness, culture and sophistication? I'm sorry, I just can't see any of it, and what's worse for me, I can't seem to forcefully convince myself of it like everyone else does. No, Not me... All I see is a less-than third world country, a fucking jungle, with lots and lots of big animals feeding off each other and defecating where others live. Switzerland looks nothing like this, and Paris? Not even close.

Just because a lucky few get to live in Achrafieh or Verdun, shop at Milord and Emporio Armani, and sip on Grey Goose martinis at Skybar later in the night, doesn't mean we live in Europe, or that we're even close to being a civilized, developed country. To me the shame of not having any form of civilized services, homeland security, or any shred of sovereignty in our stupid government (let's not get into that right now), the country's poverty, and the staggering, mostly hidden savagery of the so called hospitable Lebanese are much more meaningful than having a few imported cultures that aren't even ours to begin with.

But that's just me...

To see what others seem to think about Lebanon and its people

"Lebanese society is very modern and similar to certain cultures of Mediterranean Europe. It is often considered to serve as Europe's gateway to Western Asia as well as the Asian gateway to the Western World.." - Wikipedia on Lebanon


And when others say it better than me... Welcome to the Real World.


Very different opinions indeed.

Excuse the language...

Blind Item

Would you wonder what the hell is wrong with people?
When a fully equipped Emergency Exam Room in our proud ER is transformed into a waiting room to accommodate the tens of people, family/visitors that come in with the patient! Screw the monitors, screw the MedVac lines, and everything else of medical value, everything that could help save a life in an incoming emergency, because we need to get all these people out of the Doctors's way!! 8 brand new chairs in that room.
Only in Lebanon.

Did I mention the very comfortable, purpose-built waiting room exactly 10 meters away from that makeshift lounge? It's got a vending machine too!
I wonder...

Where Else?

Where else? Two cars parked bumper to bumper on the highway shoulder in the middle of an unlit, pitch dark 18-kilometer stretch of road between two 6-meter high concrete walls, that we affectionately call "Tarik el Matar" or "Road to the Airport". Between the two cars were a family or a group of friends (I couldn't stop and ask, after all...) peacefully chilling, smoking the nargileh (hubble bubble), popping fava beans and peas and crunching chips on a plastic picnic table. Peacefully, that is, with our notoriously well organized and safe traffic whizzing by at speeds in excess of 100 Km/h. Call that comfort and peace? What about safety? Traffic police? Common F***ing sense?? Sometimes I wonder what goes on inside these people's minds, but hey... Welcome to Lebanon right?