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Saturday, August 15, 2009

Yesterday, the day it all went wrong...

Have you ever felt like a stone surrounded by glass? Like you couldn't make a move without something or everything shattering and crumbling down in a deafening rumble and screaming racket? Minutes or seconds later, you look back: nothing more than a hole in the ground, where once all the great plans you had just built up seconds -or years- ago stood tall. Nothing left... Be it an hour, a day, or an entire lifetime, actions and their consequences are the same. Well at least they act the same. With a little hindsight on things that have happened in my life as far back as 15 years ago, or as recently as yesterday, I realize how strong and steady of a truth it is that when you make decisions, life starts moving so fast that it's not like you're moving through it anymore. It just starts happening to you.
It's strange to realize that this holds true at all scales... Whether it's your career choice, or that crush you decide to finaly do something about after so much hesitation. You just make the slightest move and it puts in motion some restless unstoppable mechanism, like thousands of cogwheels all spinning, each at its own speed, but all equally inexorable in their relentless thundering stride toward that common end point, like an army marching to the Valkyrie.

Here we go. I didn't know I was on one of my late night ramblings again... I didn't get the memo! I'm rambling again. It must be the melancholy found in the resignation to a few concequences of a choice made in the past, no matter how distant, with a certain goal in the future, no matter how remote.